I’m sensitive. I know this to be true. I’ve been reminded of this by my parents, siblings, ex-husband, children, friends, co-workers…pretty much anyone with whom I’ve had a long-term relationship. Until recently, at nearly 55 years of age, I always took this to be an insult. One online headline later, and I’m a changed woman.
Don’t get me wrong. I still believe most folks intend for it to be insulting when they say, “You’re so sensitive.” Or, “Don’t take everything so personally.” It’s their way of letting us sensitive folks know that they think we’re not handling a situation as well as they would. Of course, it’s really just a reaction to the fact that we’re reacting to something they, or someone else, did differently than they want us to react. But, when you’re the one being told to “just get over it” or “chill out”, it definitely rattles your self-esteem.
If I’m truly honest with myself, and anyone who might be reading this, my sensitivity was one of the main contributors to my divorce. My first husband and I existed on different wavelengths. He, the stoic, non-emotional one. I, the “crazy and irrational” one…as he liked to remind me over and over again. Remember the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” (John Gray, 1992)? Well, he and I were from different solar systems when it came to expressing our emotions.
Healing from divorce hasn’t been easy. I know many people can’t relate to or understand why it’s been so difficult for me to process it all. Heck, it’s been almost ten years and I’m incredibly, happily remarried to a wonderful man. But, believing that my sensitivity—the core of my being—was a primary contributor to the tension in my first marriage made me feel like a failure. Like I wasn’t good enough. Like I was unlovable. That’s a tough pill to swallow. Especially for a very sensitive soul.
My sensitivity has hurt other relationships for sure. I’ve lost friends because they didn’t like the way I responded to situations. I’ve always been considered the “difficult one” of my family. Sensitive reactions at work have generally not been viewed as the most professional way of handling things. I was actually admonished for coming to work teary-eyed the day I signed my divorce papers. Strong emotions have gotten in the way quite often in my life. And, I’ve always felt bad about that. I’ve always believed that to be my weakness. Until now.
For whatever reason, this article, “Why Being Sensitive Is a Strength” Andrea Solo, Time Magazine, March 1, 2023, hit me differently. Solo writes that sensitivity is a genetic trait “linked to giftedness and something we ought to embrace.” She goes on to explain how the brains of sensitive people are wired to process information more deeply than others do. Sensitive folks see the world differently and are often more creative and innovative. Because we take in so much information we are also better decision-makers. And, we are able to use what we have processed to improve situations, relationships, etc.
I have heard many of these things before. My current husband has tried repeatedly to help me embrace my sensitivity. “It’s one of the reasons I love you,” he’ll say. But, for whatever reason, I could never truly accept any of this as a strength until I read this article. You know how that goes. You hear something over and over again until you’re finally ready to listen to it. Apparently, I’m now ready.
The reality is, sensitive folks care. No matter what other adjectives we can use to describe ourselves, caring is something we should always take pride in. Especially, in today’s social and political climate. Our sensitivity extends to others. Not just those close to us, but to anyone we see in need. We care to help, to make things better.
Sensitive souls are the ones who “get it.” We’re often the people others go to when they have problems. We listen without judgment because we know all too well what it means to be judged. We feel what others are feeling. We have empathy.
Sensitive people are often described as being “wise beyond our years.” And, we are. Why? Because nothing gets past us. We look at everything from all angles. We don’t just accept things on the surface level. We look deep into things, not just considering the what, but the why. We need to understand things. We need to know what makes people tick.
Perhaps most favorably, our sensitivity makes us unique. It’s far simpler to walk through life, not over analyzing anything, just scanning the horizon and moving on, generally care-free. As sensitive folks, life has more meaning. We see the bumps in the road and figure out how to navigate them. We live authentically, each of us finding our own way. No two of us feel the same feels. Or, in the same way. We are our own sensitive souls.
Of course, there are downsides to being sensitive. And, I’m not referring to the judgment we often get from others. That’s their issue. I’m tired of reacting to it. No, being sensitive is exhausting. In her article, Solo talks about the overstimulation highly sensitive people often feel. I’m not sure that’s the word I would use to describe it. I would just say it’s often draining. We are always thinking and overthinking. “Did I say the wrong thing?” “What did she mean by that?” “Why did they do that?” “Was I too loud? Quiet? Intense? Laid back?…” I often wish I could turn my brain off. Just tell it to not think so much.
And, yes, being sensitive can hurt relationships. But, I am finally realizing that that’s more of a reflection of the other person than it is of those of us who are sensitive. Those who truly love us. Those who are also confident in themselves. They see the positivity of being connected to someone sensitive. They know we will always be here for them. They know we will always work hard to understand and make things better. They know we will always care.
Sensitivity is a strength. Let’s embrace that.
