Learning to Listen

I was called ignorant recently by a once very close member of my extended family. My initial reaction was dismissive. I am NOT ignorant, or so I tell myself regularly. I have my PhD for God’s sake! In educational leadership, nonetheless. I’m open minded and progressive. I’ve traveled the world, lived in numerous states and held multiple jobs. How ignorant can I be?

Well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized she might be right. Aren’t we all guilty of it, really? Just a bit, anyway. Ignorant at least in terms of our knowledge of certain topics, or perspectives. You know, that #2 reason from the definition above. I mean I certainly can’t claim to understand how to fix a car engine. Yes, I am definitely ignorant when it comes to automotive repair. In fact, there’s a lot I don’t know. And, more importantly, a lot I need to learn.

Not all of us have paid close attention to the national tension of the past year or so. Many choose to ignore it, at least as best as they can. Some just really don’t care. I’m not one of those people. It’s been bothering me, a lot. I’ve been struggling with what I can do to help when I know I have to control my public persona from a career perspective. I can’t just spew every thought I have on social media–although, I have let a few slip. Believe me, I’ve wanted to say a whole heck of a lot more. I just knew I couldn’t. I felt my hands, and tongue, were tied.

After being reminded of my ignorance, it dawned on me. We don’t have to say anything to make a difference. What we need to start doing is LISTENING. Just listening.

Is it possible? Is there a way for us to start listening to one another? No judgement. No comment. Clarifying questions only. Is there a way to start learning what it is we do not understand? Can we become less ignorant? Each and everyone of us.

There are those among us who will continue to argue that they are “right” and that they don’t need to hear the other side. We can’t change everyone. But, we can change ourselves. We can commit to learning to listen. To acknowledging our ignorances, and start listening to those with other perspectives. We don’t have to agree. We just have to hear what they are saying and ask ourselves if there isn’t any truth to what they might believe.

My daughter and I recently had a “lively discussion” about a current social issue. As accepting as I pride myself on being, I realized how closed-minded I was about certain attitudes. I won’t go into specifics because I still have that public persona to worry about, but I was pretty sure what she was saying was a bunch of Millennial nonsense. But then I asked myself, “What if it’s not?”

All of a sudden I started listening to what she had said. I was finally hearing her. And, I realized that despite my beliefs, I really don’t KNOW the answer. I couldn’t say with 100% certainty that what she was saying was wrong. I still believe what I believe, but…and that’s a big BUT! What if? And so my mind was opened even further.

So, my commitment from now on is to start listening. Just listening. And learning. I’m hoping others will follow along. Eventually, it may make a difference.